rant is where the heart is

diaryland: sirilyan.diaryland.com: entry for 2002-07-21 (23:42)
In which our plucky young hero thinks it should be worth course credit.

I love educational TV, particularly TLC. It gives so much, asks so little in return, and is part of Tier 2 on my local cable provider.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learned from TLC over the past several years:

• Drivers? Crazy bastards.
• An object at rest will tend to stay at rest, unless it is a duvet, in which case someone will embroider an ugly cartoon cat on it.
• Your makeover is the most beautiful day of your entire life.
• Sharks? Also crazy bastards, perhaps crazier than drivers.
• Your wedding day is the most beautiful day of your entire life. Screw makeovers.
• Tornadoes exist for the sole purpose of being filmed from pickup trucks a mile away.
• Old couch + welding torch + hubcap + tinfoil = one-man airplane.
• Many buildings are, like, insanely tall. Bridges, insanely long. Airports, full of planes.
• Remember sharks? Still crazy! Still bastards! And they'll eat anything!
• Band saw + napkin dispenser + motorcycle engine = catapult.
• There is no room anywhere in the world that cannot be improved by a bead curtain, a fake fireplace, and/or a disco ball.
• Oh, and keep an eye on the sharks. They're cah-razy.

Really, I don't know why I even bothered with college.

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