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diaryland: entry for 2004-08-03 (12:38)
In which our plucky young hero saves you twelve bucks.

Hi, I'm M. Night SHYAMALAN and this is a movie I'm doing. Everything looks pretty typical, although dimly-lit and devoid of bright color. La la la, normal as normal can be.

[M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN's face suddenly falls off, revealing ELECTRONICS.]

Ha! I'm actually a robot! Isn't that an exciting plot twist? Aren't you on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next?

[M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN dissolves into a mass of some sort of writhing silver things.]

Fooled you! I'm actually a hyperintelligent colony of shapeshifting eels from the moon! Doesn't that knock your socks off? Aren't you at this very moment looking around the theater asking yourself if anyone else is a colony of moon eels? Well, look closer!

[The walls of the theatre collapse, revealing a television set.]

Because this isn't a theatre at all! This is the set of Charles In Charge and all this has just been the filming of an unaired episode and you don't actually exist, you're just a background character! Oh the crazy!

[The eels that make up M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN form a giant hand to grasp a bag of money and slither toward the stage door.]

Well, see ya. I've got to go do cocaine off a hooker's ass.

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[fiendish tracking device]