rant is where the heart is

diaryland: sirilyan.diaryland.com: entry for 2004-07-21 (05:47)
In which our plucky young hero never did have a sense of balance.

Y'know, just for the record, I wouldn't mind having Fox News available from most Canadian cable or satellite providers. (It wouldn't be available from my current provider, of course. Not because they have a left-wing bias; because they still haven't added most of the existing digital cable services and certainly wouldn't bother to pick up any more.) But to be fair, I think it should operate under the same conditions as its competition. I'm sure it'd be breathtakingly compelling programming:

1. Opening credits of The O'Reilly Factor.

2. Twenty-nine minutes of test pattern, overlaid with the message Your cable or satellite provider is worried someone might think this program tends to or is likely to expose people living in France to hatred or contempt. (We have to do this or we'll get fined.)

3. Closing credits of The O'Reilly Factor.

4. Commercials for NASCAR coverage on Speedvision.

5. Fifty-six minutes of test pattern, overlaid with the message Your cable or satellite provider is worried someone might think Fox News's treatment of today's top story tends to or is likely to expose people living in Iraq to hatred or contempt. (We have to do this or we'll get fined.)

6. Final half of footage of water-skiing squirrel.

7. Three hours, two minutes of test pattern, overlaid with message Screw it. We give up. All eight of you who are still watching just go get the damn DirecTV dish already.

8. Static.

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