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But wait, there's more.
There's just no polite way to say "Buy me things", is there?
Need a band name?
rant is where the heart is
entry for 2002-04-08 (00:23)
In which our plucky young hero plays consumer watchdog.
While I was out not finding any bedamnt ketchup bottles yesterday (and yes, I am still quite bitter), I picked up a 2.2 kilogram jar of powdered iced tea. And let me tell you, folks, it is horrible stuff, and I recommend not only that you do not buy it, but that you tell all your friends not to buy it.
The iced tea powder is called Good Host, and let me tell you, that is a damned lie. The only way you could be a Good Host by serving this iced tea is if, unbeknownst to you, your evil twin has poured cyanide into the iced tea so that everyone will die and he can steal the treasure map and claim the Golden Aardvark of Turin for himself. Everyone will spit out the tea, saying something along the lines of "Christ almighty, that iced tea had so much saccharine in it that I now have cancer of the tongue," or maybe "That powder dissolves so poorly that I should be chewing this iced tea, not drinking it." The poison will go to waste, your evil twin will be exposed for the murderer he is, and the Golden Aardvark of Turin, Italy's most sacred aardvark-shaped sculpture, will be returned to its rightful place: the British Museum.
Good Host iced tea powder. Just don't, kids. Just don't.(Browse: previous or next. Notes: post or read.)
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