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But wait, there's more.
There's just no polite way to say "Buy me things", is there?
Need a band name?
rant is where the heart is
entry for 2001-01-12 (18:08:19)
In which our plucky young hero's arms sure will be tired.
So, I'm going.
I'm not really sure exactly why I'm going, though I am very certain it is for a small subset of the people who will be there and it sure isn't for the Event, which I really fear I just plain might not enjoy. There is also a (huge?) chunk of me that just plain wants to not be Here, and any old There will do, and this one just happens to be the one that's available right now.
I got charged twenty-one dollars and forty cents as a "service" fee by my travel agent. This means that I am no longer using them as my travel agent. If I wanted to pay an extra twenty dollars for airfare, I'd buy it from Travelocity and then set fire to a double sawbuck in the back yard. Especially when they screwed up my ticketing and gave me paper tickets, which I despise.
Other stuff. Well, there's only one other stuff for me. It was weird, not having That Thing hanging over my head last night. Hard to remember there must be no guilt for not doing it. And I had no idea what I'd have done if I'd had to, anyway. Maybe in a few days the realization will sink in.
What did I do instead? Not much. I tried to read some old code I'd written a long time ago, in my old "code as you go, it documents itself" style, so I could pick that project up where I'd left off.
It gave me a headache.
Do I feel less doomed without That Thing taunting me? Not a bit. I feel... differently doomed. I know I'm not doomed. I can see it in the facts and numbers of my life, I can see it in the people around me. But I can't shake the feeling that I should have a dark and anxious feeling about something.
(I never guaranteed specific doom. Stop looking at me like that.)
Are things good? Yes. And they'll be very good soon. But today, I just feel twenty bucks short and differently doomed, and the small solace I have is that I'm going to not be Here for a while next month.
Petty, totally unjustified concerns, all. But at least I'm aware of it. Just need to wait for myself to know it too.(Browse: previous or next. Notes: post or read.)
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