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But wait, there's more.

There's just no polite way to say "Buy me things", is there?

Join codebastards, I dare you. Remember, codebastards are us.

I'm baded and jitter. So are these people. (And why not follow the previous, next, or random links?)

Need a band name?

Doug vs. Japanese Snack Foods: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

rant is where the heart is

diaryland: sirilyan.diaryland.com: entry for 2003-08-12 (01:05)
In which our plucky young hero will make it easier.

My plan today is to buy a Funny Hat.

One of my big problems is that I have a very sincere face. It's been a curse, more than a blessing. Every now and then I will say something that I want to be hilarious (or at least chucklesome) (or at least not deadly serious) and the room slowly grinds to a halt as everyone turns to face me, their heads tilted just so. Is he joking? I can't tell.

It doesn't seem to matter how outrageous or impossible the statement is; I've gotten The Look for all sorts of remarks. It doesn't seem to matter who the people are I'm talking to; I've gotten The Look from folks who hail from all walks of life and at least two foreign countries.

Thus, the Funny Hat.

Compare this set of before-and-after scenarios to see just how the Funny Hat will make things better:

Someone Else

Hey, you're running late today!

Me

Yeah, well, I got shot in the leg on my way here. Notice my limp. (displays completely uninjured leg)

(Other person tilts head, looks at Doug, thinks: Is he joking? I can't tell.)

But now, with the Funny Hat, just notice the difference!

Someone Else

Hey, you're running late today!

(Doug pulls out a GIANT ELECTRIC PROPELLER BEANIE and puts it on his head. He turns on its motor and the propeller begins spinning.)

Me

Yeah, well, I got shot in the leg on my way here. Notice my limp. (displays completely uninjured leg)

Someone Else

Oh ho ho! That's a funny one! Why, you aren't even limping at all! What an ironical little jester you are. Oh me oh my.

I think the difference is obvious. The only thing left to do is comparison shop. I'm sure you don't know how many different electric propeller beanie vendors there are on the internet, so trust me when I say the number is eighty-nine thousand.

(Am I serious? Well: check out the hat.)

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